Voiceless Screaming
by Raven Lowe
Summary: Third fic in what I've decided is an arc. Subaru's final thoughts upon his death.


(AN: This is the third fic in my songfic arc. but it was written first. Oh well, that's how things go. The first one is Closer (which you'll have to go to my fanfiction site at http://www.farfello.com to see because it's NC- 17. The Second one is 4th, the Seishirou fic, and this is the last. They can be read separately, so yeah. This is assuming that Subaru at some point commits suicide and was written before I found out he becomes the Sakurazukamori for Fuuma. So yeah. Enjoy.)  
  
Voiceless Screaming  
  
I'm drowning in sadness Falling far behind I feel there is just no way out Is there anyone there? Where am I?  
  
Sumeragi Subaru looked blankly at the park around him. It had been nine years since Hokotou had died. Nine long years tiresome years that he had wished he could join her in the afterlife. but there was something keeping him alive...the hope of love.  
  
Insanity and loneliness Tear my painful heart Broken heart keeps on going to beat But it never stops bleeding  
  
Subaru was nothing like the innocent boy he had used to be. Nothing at all. And he didn't want to be..not that he was happy how he was now...but he knew there was no way back. Never a way back.... Sakura petals blew past him, and his mind trailed to the crimson thickness of blood, his blood.  
  
I've been waiting for love to come Someone who wants to touch me inside Memories of my yesterdays  
  
Images from his past filled his mind, stronger than before, all under the scent blood and the distant pain that was left. Images of him flashed into his head. Him....HIM...Seishirou....  
  
Careless words and deeds Masquerade of love Gotta find my way outta here  
  
Part of Subaru still couldn't forgive the older man. But most of Subaru still couldn't forgive himself. All that ever came of love was death. The ultimate sacrifice...was death.  
  
I was blinded be dark desire Over time I've been through it all I'm crying my share of tears  
  
Tears began to run down Subaru's lips, and he vainly tried to stop them. 'I've cried enough over him,' he told himself repeaditly until it became hard to tell himself anything at all. Sakura petals were all that he could see anymore....  
  
What can I do Will I make it through I must be true to myself  
  
'Seishirou....why why did you let me....'  
  
Voiceless Screaming Calling to me inside of my heart Voiceless Screaming Now is the time I got to speak out  
  
/I really did love you Subaru-kun.../ "I really....did love you Seishirou-san....I always did..."  
  
Voice of faith, I'm starting to realize Now my eyes can see I have gone so far I'm feeling breath of life  
  
Subaru took in another slow breath...it seemed to be getting harder and harder to breathe. He smiled to himself at that. The world was almost beyond his reach now...soon he would be able to see his love again..soon.  
  
And I'm looking for love to reach Someone I want to touch deep inside Light shines on my sight of doubt Don't be afraid Move forward one step Willing mind is what I have found at last  
  
Subaru had told himself for so long that he had hated his love, even though he knew it wasn't true. In the end, the love was too strong for him, and even though he had thought he had gotten the revenge that he wanted, he had done the opposite, and killed his one true love.  
  
Voiceless Screaming Calling to me inside of my heart Voiceless Screaming Now is the time I got to speak out  
  
As the world continued to darken Subaru could already see his love again. Seishirou was smiling at him, holding his arms out to Subaru. Hokotou was with him laughing and teasing as she always did, saying it was about time.  
  
Voiceless Screaming Calling to me inside of my heart Knockin' on my soul's door I belive in myself and trust what I do  
  
With a smile on his face, Subaru left his life in the mortal world behind him that day under the sakura tree, and begun a new life, one where all bets were off, and all secrects revealed.  
  
Voiceless Screaming Pain of the past still hurts me inside Knockin' on my soul's door I climb the stairs that lead me to Heaven 


End file.
